Negative Nancy Alert!!
I haven’t been around much, and I’ll go ahead and be right up front and honest about it. Something’s bugging me. I am getting super discouraged throughout this portion of my journey, and I’m trying to work around it. I’ll lose 5 lbs and gain back 3…then I’ll lose some more. So I guess I’m technically still losing, but not to the extent that I was before I hit my “sweet spot”. I don’t like the Sweet Spot…not one little bit. I’m struggling to lose, and I was under the impression that it wouldn’t be such a struggle once I reached this place.
A couple of months ago, I had Dr. H take out a smidgen of fluid out of my band because I felt like I was too tight. I was tempted (very tempted) to just deal with it. After all, I wasn’t drinking my hot chocolate in the mornings like I was supposed to, and I was sure that if I did that, I wouldn’t get stuck as often. He didn’t agree, and nudged me toward a very slight UNfill, saying that I was nearing my sweet spot where I wouldn’t need many more fills. This was okay – at first. I was glad that I was finally able to eat solids again. I had begun to drink only protein shakes to get my nutrition, and my hair was falling out in massive amounts.
He also told me to increase my calories to 1100. I was pretty scared about this, because I knew that there was no way I was going to get that many calories! I was struggling to get 800 calories!! But I managed to do it ONE week!! I was sooo proud of myself. I had joined a weight loss challenge – The Biggest Loser Challenge at The Shake Down here in Texarkana. (I had offered to not participate b/c of the unfair advantage my band would give me, but since there were several other bandsters participating, they assured me my presence was welcome). So I went to this weight loss challenge, and the lady conducting the challenge also told me my target calorie range should be 1100. So I was thinking, “Ok, maybe Dr. H isn’t off his gourd, I’ll increase the calories!” For one week, I tried – really hard – to increase my calories to 1100. Most nights I was successful, so I thought I was doing great! Right?? WRONG! I gained 2 lbs that first week. UGGGGHHHHHH….
I went back to Dr. H. He said – stay strong, keep up the calories, up the protein, and NO FILL. ERRR….. Went back to weigh again – gained another 3 lbs. Now I’m pissed. Like seriously??? Really??? Is this what I can expect for the rest of my life? Under 1100 calories or I gain weight? Do I have to live on 800 calories a day in order to just maintain my current weight?? To say that I’m discouraged is a vast understatement. I’m not sure where I’ll go from here. Dr. H suggested I start strength training – but I have 3 kids and homeschool them all. We are a one income family (not made up of doctors) and we can’t afford a gym membership. He even said himself that soup cans weren’t going to cut it. So where do I go from here? I guess I’ll just have to get creative, channel my inner Rocky Balboa, and make it happen. Quitting is not in my vocabulary, so I’ll have to find a way to make it work.
Maybe I’ll go back down to 800 calories and lose all my hair. Maybe I’ll maintain at 190….whatever I do, I WON’T GAIN ANYMORE WEIGHT. I can’t bear to see that scale go past 200 again. Won’t do it. Never again…. Sorry to be such a Negative Nancy – that’s just where I am right now…but I have faith that it will get better! 
You are rally doing amazing and you just need to give your body a chance to adjust. Your inner “Rocky” has gotten you this far.
Good to hear from you. I had to have a slip in my band fixed on 8-31 (more surgery
, and I have gained a few since then becasue there has been NO FILL in my band for 2 weeks now. But we are going to start filling it Monday, so things will get better, and of course I have not been allowed to go to the gym since surgery- so I am missing it, the strength training will mae a big difference, you can do a lot of strength training with an exercise band.
You should come to support group Monday at Wadley, there is a new baritric coordinator at Wadley and the meetings have been pretty good. Hope to see you there at 7.
Can’t come to support group Monday (as badly as I need to go). It’s my turn to host the homeschool group’s Mom’s Night Out at my house. Should be fun, but I know I need to start going back to support group. I was confused b/c I had heard than the other lady had quit b/c she was taking care of her daughter’s kids, and then I heard that Amy C. quit too?? Am I making this up?? For some reason that’s what was in my head, and I never heard of another coordinator coming forward, so I just sort of hung back for a while. Glad to hear there’s a coordinator now!! I’ll shoot for next month!
And thanks for the encouragement, guys!! I needed that!
Will we see you at support group on the 8th at 7?