Ugh…

Ok, so it’s true. Stress really does slow down weight loss. That’s the only logical explanation. My diet is the same. I am still starving. I want to eat a cheeseburger. I want to rub chocolate in my hair. I don’t – but I really, really want to.

So why is it, then, that the weight is dropping soooooo sllllllllooowwwwwwwwlllyy??? Because I’m stressed beyond my max. I’ve tried to keep my family life somewhat private – not because I’m a super-secret ninja type who always refers to her kiddos by using code names, but because I have another blog which deals with that part of my life.  I’m a stay at home, homeschooling mom of 4 wonderful kiddos.  My life….is crazy.  My kids…are crazy.  My husband…is wonderful (but crazy).   I wanted a place where I could get away.   This blog was supposed to be just for me – a place where I could feel totally at ease and comfortable saying ANYTHING. Who cares anyway, right? I can be honest here and not fear that the church lady from 3 pews up is going to put me on the prayer list because I can’t seem to shed the pounds fast enough.

And the truth is, “Mommy-Me,” isn’t all that I am.  It’s a big part of who I’ve become, but through all the pregnancies and miscarriages and childbirths, I’ve changed.  I’ve changed for the better, and for the worst.  The “Mommy-Me” stresses me out.  I used to be so laid back and carefree.  I loved hard rock music like Metallica, Jane’s Addiction, Alice in Chains, and Live (no, I wasn’t on drugs, I swear).  I was a cheerleader, sorority girl, and loved to volunteer my time.  I wore toe rings, had long, curly hair, and I couldn’t wait to turn 21 so I could get a tatoo and a belly-button ring.   I was very confident in myself – I knew where I wanted to go in life, and I wasn’t afraid to go and get it.   And that’s about the time God started laughing at my awesome display of  idiocy and arrogance and said  ”Heh, heh…Watch this!”   Life happens.   I now drive a 7 passenger vehicle (I traded the mini-van for an SUV that only looks like a minivan because it’s much more cool to drive an SUV, right?!)  lol… The XM in my car is permanently tuned to Radio Disney, and all I can do when I see a tatoo or a belly-button ring is cringe.  UGH….I’m different now. 

I’ve learned to just go with the flow most of the time.  But lately, I’m stressed and I don’t really know why.  I don’t really have an excuse – nothing’s really changed in my life except my schedule.  I’d blame it on the kids if I could , but truth be told: they’ve been pretty darn good lately.  I am taking on a little (ok, a LOT) more than I used to with the cleaning.  I’m constantly cleaning.  I like it.  I don’t like cleaning other people’s messes and clutter just because they’re too lazy to do it.  Now, THAT bothers me.  But cleaning my house gives me a sense of calm and joy knowing that I’m making our home a better place for my kiddos to live. 

So what’s going on with me??  I went back to my PCP a couple of weeks ago to get back on my thyroid medication.  I had run out and hadn’t had the time to go get a refill.  That could be part of it.  I told her how I was feeling, and she basically told me I was normal.   So evidently I’m not bipolar, schizophrenic, or otherwise mentally and/or emotionally abnormal.  Somebody please tell the fat.  It’s hanging on for dear life because it thinks something’s up.  I’m normal, dang it!!!   GO AWAY ALREADY!!!

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~ by amyslapbandjournal on May 8, 2010.